and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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