A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
