You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
