I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
