Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
