margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
