I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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