yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
