when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
