Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
