My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
