UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Randomize
