Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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