No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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