??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
