I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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