dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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