my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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