maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
