You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
