So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
