party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
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I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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