If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
