I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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