just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
