Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
