Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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