I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
