I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
