Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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