if you like me you must not know who I am
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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