I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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