That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
