Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I enjoy the company of your penis
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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