Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
