The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
