I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
