its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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