Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
