My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
