you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
