you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
