She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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