Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
