If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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