u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
