somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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