OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
