People in love make me want to vomit
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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