Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
