i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
