im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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