...so i touched it.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
