my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
