does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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