Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
