dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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