Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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