I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
