I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
