if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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