She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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