I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
