my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
