sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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