the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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