my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I touched a dick in church today
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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