So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Are my feet made of real feet?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
