I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
