how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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