I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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