operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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