This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
