I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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