i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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