this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
