So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i dont even know how to be here
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
