would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
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