I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
