I have demons in me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
